by Christie Turley 2 min read

Are you a people-pleaser? Would you like to let that go?

Here’s a classic example from my life:

Jared (my husband): Where would you like to go to lunch?

Me: I’m not sure. Where do you want to go?

Jared: (Silence)

Me: Do you feel in the mood for Japanese, Mexican, Chinese, Thai, Salad, something else?

Jared: Pause. Christie, why don’t you tell me where YOU want to go? I asked you because I’m truly interested in where you want to go and I seriously could go to any of those places.

Me: Uhhhh...How about that one sushi place where we ate last week?

Jared: Sounds great!

You get the point. People-pleasing is usually where a "self-care low" begins.

We often learn this people-pleasing habit from our mothers or fathers as we grow up.

So how do you overcome it?

As a reformed people-pleaser myself, here are the 3 of the top ways I’ve turned people-pleasing into making fulfilling choices for myself and others (while not spreading my energy too thin).

  1. Learn to love myself and forgive myself. I’ve found when you blame yourself or punish yourself for anything (like ruminating on the past and replaying conversations), or when you fear other people are blaming you, it can trigger you to apologize profusely and to turn to pleasing others. I’ve overcome this by using Affirmations. You don’t have to be sorry for being you!
  2. Learn to take charge of how I spend my time. If you’re a people-pleaser, I can almost guarantee that your day is filled with activities that you “think” other people want you to do. And you feel burdened! The best way I’ve overcome this is to do my morning ritual every day.
  3. Learn to give myself praise. When you need others to praise you to feel good, that can mean you depend on validation. If your self-worth is totally dependent on what others think about you, you’ll only feel good when you receive compliments. And how often does that really happen? The best way is to: give yourself praise and recognize your own strengths and gifts, keep a Gratitude Journal, plus do Affirmations.

I know I’ve felt much more joy and freedom as I’ve let go of people-pleasing - and actually, people respect me more, treat me better, etc., because how people treat you is always a reflection of how you treat yourself. So increasing your self-love with these three tips is a certain way to help you overcome people-pleasing! I hope this helps you!

Have an epic day today!

Christie Turley
Christie Turley

Creative catalyst Christie Turley sparks innovation in entrepreneurs around the world. Her superpower is crafting the brand positioning that leads to massive results, like one client who grew from zero to $15 million in under a year. She started her career over 20 years ago and in 2004, launched her award-winning brand positioning firm, BoldImpact42, at the birth of the Internet. Since then, she’s helped transform thousands of businesses and sold $3 billion dollars in products and services (yes, that’s Billion with a “B”). Her clients include conscious entrepreneurs and transformational life, money and business speakers and authors. Christie’s unique intuitive gifts enable her to receive divine downloads and translate those into tangible marketing strategies and brand elements that truly represent who an entrepreneur is at the soul level—elements like: logos, colors, visuals, content, stories, metaphors, naming, acronyms, thematic throughlines and promotions.

She is co-founder of Soul Spectrum Universe, along with Martina Muir, and has owned several other businesses in the fashion apparel, beverage, media & publishing, medical device, training and marketing services industries. She is the author of The Intuition-Led Business, host of The Mind Muse Podcast and has shared the stage with publisher Reid Tracy, CEO of Hay House, bestselling author Mastin Kipp and marketing legend Dan Kennedy. She lives in the Rocky Mountains with her husband of 18+ years and their two daughters.



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